Who can express emotions at work?
In the days of twentieth-century bureaucratic management, emotions were deemed to be something to be left at the door and unnecessary interference with the rational, logical, and efficient world of industry. It is now more acceptable for employees to show emotion at work within the constraints of an unspoken social contract about what are acceptable emotions for the workplace and what are not. Work from Susan David and Marc Bracket, amongst others, have pointed to the value of emotional expression, including supporting the success of change initiatives and customer service, improving decision-making and employee connection, and helping to create a culture that is accepting of individuality.
But emotional expression is not an equal experience for everyone. Gender and stereotypes impact the perception of different people expressing emotions. Black employees have reported suppressing emotions such as anger to avoid racial stereotypes and women are expected to display more positive emotions of friendliness and happiness. Emotional expression is also impacted by your level in the hierarchy, we have probably all experienced seeing a manager lose their cool in the office and display stress or anger. But what happens when we see that same behaviour in a junior employee? Is that behaviour overlooked, or would it result in punitive measures for the employee?
Some employees straddle a particularly challenging line when it comes to managing their emotions and the emotions of those around them. Nurses, for example, are expected to be the emotional antidote to the often cold and aloof doctor, shouldering the emotional burden of patients whilst also bearing the brunt of negative emotional expression from the doctors. Paralegals may also find themselves in a similar situation, managing the emotions of the client and being the recipient of stress and work pressure from above. We call this ‘The Emotional Squeeze’.
If you are stuck in an emotional squeeze it can feel like there is no space for your own emotions, as you are constantly being required to navigate other people's emotions. There are consequences to not expressing your emotions when you need to include unexpected emotional outbursts, and disengagement, including well-being and emotional burnout. Without an emotional outlet at work, it can be friends and family that end up taking the hit of your emotional frustration.
Clearly expressing emotions at work is an important part of being human. We do not suddenly become devoid of emotion when we come into the office, and we are constantly experiencing emotional ups and downs. Our emotions support us to be better employees, better decision-makers, and better people. When we embrace emotional expression, we also accept that people will experience both enjoyable and uncomfortable emotions. It is critical that employees are provided with the skills and support to regulate their emotions and express what they are feeling in a way that supports their own emotion regulation and connects them to others. Emotional Intelligence training can help employees master their own emotional world and feel safe in asking for what they need to support their emotional well-being.
What to do if you are in an emotional squeeze?
Buffer yourself from the emotions of others
If you are often given the role of emotional sponge and are required to manage the emotions of a colleague, client, or patient you will need to build up some resilience to the emotions of others. This particularly applies if you are very empathetic and tend to ‘take on’ others’ emotions as your own. Having a strong sense of your emotions is critical to be able to stay grounded in your own emotional experience. Practice techniques that help you to resent after intense emotional interactions, breathing, and meditative practices can work well to refocus your mind.
Find an outlet
Finding a safe space to express your emotions is important. A friend in the office can be a helpful partner to vent your emotions to. Pick your person wisely though, someone who is going to exacerbate and intensify your emotions may only make the situation worse. Choose someone whom you can trust to keep confidentiality and refrain from judgment.
Express your feelings and needs
As well as your ‘anything goes’ outlet for emotional expression, you need to learn to express your emotions at work in a clear and calm way. To do this, wait until the intensity of the emotion has dropped and you are thinking clearly. You can then express what you are feeling and what you need in the situation. Be specific in what you say and try not to generalize or make assumptions about the situation or people. Others will be more ready to receive your emotions when they hear it alongside reasonable and logical language.
